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Twatters – 20160726

An archive of my cynical , snarky thoughts published on social media over the last month, or two. Or weeks. Like who cares, its social media.


Boss: How’d you fix the WAN problem ?
Me: I’m the WAN whisperer. Fear me

Boss:
Me:

Boss: You ignored it.
Me: Whatever.

Arguing with an engineer is like fighting a pig in mud. You soon realise they enjoy it. If you are farmer you slaughter the pig & replace it

Sure, ITIL-compliant Prince2 Project Manager, I can lower my standards to the same level as yours.

Not now. I’m enjoying real life.

Its my going away party and I’ll tell the ITIL project managers what I really think of them if I want to.

It was a case of having a hot body or the doughnuts that people bring to project meetings. Bastards.

Its clear that the Enterprise has very little fear of failure. Look at what ITIL driven projects has delivered in the last decade ….

Hey Clouderati, my data centre includes a 80’s power ballad mix tape with a bag of poprocks

Daughter: What its like to go to work every day, dad ?
Me: Its about working hard to ensure a good turnout at your funeral.

IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, FaaS and *jerk off hand motion*

“There is more than one way to get your head stuck in a park bench” I said to the project manager.

Walked out of that project meeting without slapping anyone. I feel like such a success today.

Hang on. Give me a second. I’m thinking how much or how little I care about you.

5 is better. Its bigger than 2.4 – Me as the #WiFiWhisperer

Soaking my teeth in beer #beeroclock

I’m an engineer. Thats why its ‘anal catharsis’ when I go to the toilet.

I’m tolerating the heck out of this sales call. I should get an award.

Got into a debate with storage admin. Realised they are right. Now arguing violently because I dislike storage admins ¡

My superpower ? Not helping people. I don’t want people to know I have a superpower


Me: I want an Openstack that is ready to go.
Genie: Nope. Too hard.

Me: How about containers ?
Genie: Still no.


PM: “What we need is a some vendor support”
Engineers: <burst out laughing>

Cenosillicaphobia is the fear of an empty beer glass.

Stress oozes out.
Inspiration soaks in.

Results make a splash.

Angry Colleague: “Where the hell did you learn route redistribution ?”
Me: /flashbacks to stealing cookies from other pre-schoolers/

My safe word is “Lets start the meeting”