This tech conference is like a yard sale of nerds.
Came to work today and saw a chalk outline of my soul on the floor under my desk.
I’m the best damn network engineer in the room (when I’m in the toilet)
My “free time” was paid for by my “work time”.
Close your eyes. Take a moment. Imagine the world without you in it. Realise nothing would change. Stop worrying.
This beer tastes like I can’t afford Bollinger or Veuve Cliquot.
Too young to throw in the towel, too old to pick it up.
Me: I made you a friendship necklace. Storage Expert: This looks like hangmans noose. Me: Does it fit?
I put on casual trousers, belt and lace up shoes when I leave the house. Unlike most people in Silicon Valley.
Instead of ‘ice bucket’ lets do ‘have sex’ challenge - who is with me ?
Whenever someone asks me if I’ve been living under a rock I’m always like “no but that sounds awesome”
Today has been signalled by my middle finger.
The thing ITIL teaches me about making mistakes is to not do any work.
What rhymes with syphilis ? I can’t get this poem to my product manager quite right. Its so hard to give good feedback.
I’m “can setup a 3-way call on a desk phone using only the number pad” years old.
Vendor relationships are one-sided. Its not about how much they love you now but how much more love there will be next quarter.
It takes 26 muscles to smile, and 62 muscles to frown. I’m such an over-achiever.
Typing an email to the vendor account manager using only my middle fingers with my palms up takes some practice. But SO worth it.
I have a few regrets. Kicking the sales grunt in the backside as he left the building is not one of them.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. (Managers -> PM -> Engineers)
Started connecting the dots on this network design. Turns out it was Morse Code for “you dumb ass”.
This vendor presentation makes me want to be a better drinker.
If there was a god, then this network would work the way that the reseller promised.
Favourite boy band for network architects ? Backstreet Boys. Because they want it that way.
Closing my study window. Neighbours are concerned about the crying and banging noises my head is making on the desk.
This Vendor SE is clearly having a long distance relationship with the truth.
Project Mgr: “Greg, what do you think of the proposal ? " Me: “We need to finish this meeting in 22% battery time”. Goes back to twitter
Saving my farts for vendor meetings so we can wrap up on time isn’t so wrong.
need an option for “Pffftt, Idiot”
ATM LAN Imitation was the sincerest form of networking flattery
Fifteen minute meeting with reseller sales-grunt. Attempted close on purchase order no less than nine times. This is what stupid looks like
All my pleasures are guilty. I’m middle aged and overprivileged. Don’t judge me.
I use professional lubricant.
Nothing lasts longer than a temporary solution.
Office Living Tip: A coffee mug is really an enhanced cereal bowl. Of course, if you are Checkpoint, a cereal bowl is really a coffee cup, done the right way.
Where is the button for for “Pffftt, you Idiot” ?
Having face sex with this ham & cheese toasted sandwich. Don’t judge me.
The key to anything is to have a key.
Fit in. Learn to laugh at yourself and join the others already laughing at you.
Cheese always forgives you.
Sometimes building at scale feels more like the Titanic than a Saturn rocket.
Making a note to bring nutshells to next customer meeting - “that’s it in a nutshell” will be so much funner.
On this day in history, the network was broken. Somewhere.
Disappointed. Pandemonium doesn’t have involve pandas.